But as soon as the elated, ecstatic feelings of my graduation wore off…
As soon as I read all the wall posts that said CONGRATULATIONS…
As soon as I opened and read the last card…
And once I finally took off my cap and gown…
My immediate thought was and still is, “What now?”
What in the world am I going to do now?
Where am I going to work?
Did that degree really prepare me for a real job?
What did I get a degree in again?
Why did a major in that?
Where am I going to live?
How am I going to pay the rent?
My parents are really happy about this graduation… are they going to kick me out?
After 5 years of college why am I still so confused?
Why do I still feel so inadequate?
The past couple of days I have to come to grips with this Scripture…
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”
As of right now I have no job.
Sallie Mae is about to be on my back in 6 months.
I’m still not ready to be a “grown up”.
I still want to live this adventure called “college”.
In my heart I have so many plans, and so many dreams. So many ways I thought I would be different by now and so many things I thought I would have accomplished.
I thought I would be married… or engaged… or at least dating.
I thought I would have some clarity on where my life is headed.
I thought my bank account would look a little better.
I thought I wouldn’t be worrying or stressed about any of this.
I thought that the plans in my heart were God’s plans too…
But I’m learning that’s not how it always works.
I’m learning that the Lord determines my steps.
He knows my future.
He knows my tomorrow.
He knows when the gas in my car is going to run out.
He knows whom I should marry.
He knows what grad school I should go to and what job I should take.
I think we would all agree that God knows these things… but here’s the kicker. Not only does He know… but He leads, He guides, He directs, HE DETERMINES OUR STEPS.
If I have only learned one thing while in college it’s this… Life is unpredictable. Sometimes in good ways. Sometimes in bitter ways. Life is a bitter-sweet surprise. But the God that I’ve grown to love over the past five years is sovereign over all the things we think are unpredictable. Although they are unpredictable to us, they are never unpredictable to Him, our Guide.
I leave you with a quote…
“We must allow God to do what He wants to do. And if you are thinking you know the will of God for your life and you are anxious to do that, you are probably in for a rude awakening because nobody knows the will of God for his entire life… Sooner or later, God’s guidance, which brings us out of darkness into light, will also bring us out of light into darkness. It is part of the way of the cross.”
Elisabeth Elliot//J.I. Packer
You and I may be in the same boat right now. God has led me into the darkness, but I rest assured that He will guide me through and out.
More to come.